Disappointment is an emotion I was full of when I was younger. If something didn’t happen the way I had planned I would get disappointed and let it eat at me to the point that it would affect everything else in my life. I have learned much later in life that it is me who creates the expectations and that I am in control of most situations that create the feeling of disappointment.
Life has been much easier since I figured that out. I no longer look at things as a personal thing and really look at most things as just the way the situation is. I have also created certain barriers in my life that protect me from disappointment. I live my life the way I want to and do not go out of what I call my comfort zone.
One example of a barrier is in my Personal Security work- In the past I would work for $250-$300 a day which is great money until I started about what I was doing. What I started to realize is that most of the time I was getting disappointed at the jobs I was doing. I rarely ended up working with the client and most of the time I was securing a hallway or watching a door. I ended up working jobs where I felt like a high paid security guard. I don’t mind watching a door for 12 hours if you are paying $250 a day, most guys would be glad to watch a door instead of dealing with the client. But I started thinking about how I could be with my family and my academy and that I was working for about $20 an hour.
While I was on the jobs I would start thinking about all the other things I could be doing I would get disappointed. I would even get miserable which would affect my performance on the job. Not anymore, I won’t work for anything less than $500 a day. This has done a couple of things #1. My phone has stopped ringing. I used to work a security job every 2 weeks but I have virtually priced myself out of the industry. Very few companies will pay that kind of money for a job in the USA and the security field is now flooded with so many personal security specialist willing to work for less. #2 when I do get called for a job the job is always a good one where I am working directly with the client. Very few security companies will pay $500 for someone to watch a hallway or a door.
That is just one example of a barrier I put in my personal life and I am no longer disappointed when I do security jobs. Do I think that I am worth $500 a day? Definitely!! Do I make $500 a day when I am not doing security work? Definitely Not!! So why don’t I work for less? All the disappointing jobs I have done has made me realize that my time is worth a minimum of $500 a day. I know that I am losing a lot of money by keeping my daily rate this high but I am no longer disappointed. I concentrate on the bigger picture and know that money is not everything.
I also have put barriers in my Business life that prevents disappointment. One Example- The interview process I have at Evolve. I have turned away a lot of students that could have paid the monthly tuition but could not fit into what the Evolve academy stands for. We have created a family environment where anyone can train and feel safe while learning the most effective martial arts that I have ever done. Evolve Academy has also become a place that the community is looking at as the place that are creating the leaders of tomorrow. Many of the younger students go on to become leaders in their chosen professions. This is a very hard balancing act that I struggle with and one way I weed out future trouble is that I make everyone start in the PDS classes as a white belt. I don’t care if they have had previous training or numerous Black Belts, everyone starts at white. Of course we do a assessment of your skills and place you at the correct rank but you have to be willing to start at White because that shows me what kind of student you will be. It also shows me that you are there to learn and hat you do not have an ego.
You wouldn’t believe how many potential students leave when I tell them that. One guy had trained with BJ Penn and said he had 8 pro fights and had a record of 7 wins 1 loss. When I told him about my policy he gave me the look like I was crazy, he asked me if I was joking. Half of me thought about how cool it would be to have a fighter on the team with that much experience but the past has shown me that when I try to circumnavigate my barriers I always get disappointed. The barrier is there to protect the atmosphere and the reputation of Evolve Academy. We have created some of the best Grapplers, MMA and Thai Boxers in the world but we are not a fighters gym, we are a Academy of learning. So if the pro fighter was not willing to put on a White belt he could never fit into the environment.
So back to my point of Disappointment, whenever I get the emotion it is amplified more than it probably would have in the past. Since I rarely feel it anymore, when I do it really tears me up inside. This is what happened a few weeks ago, I found out that 3 of my students were involved in a fight. Not sure about the details but all 3 students ganged up against 1 and really hurt the person. I was really in shock when I found out who it was and I am still trying to figure out how it could have been avoided. They all went thru the interview before they got to train. And they were not new students, they all have been their over a year and were in the Black Belt Club. This means they have listen to all the leadership and character lessons that are taught in every class. I guess it didn’t matter because they used their skills for evilL
I always talk about the skills that you gain training at Evolve are very effective and can be used in a negative manner or a positive manner. You should learn the skills to help society not hurt it. Almost like a superhero, you gain skills that make you more powerful than the average person who doesn’t train. If you think about how much stronger you get physically, mentally and spiritually you become much more capable in any situation then someone who doesn’t train. But like a superhero you can choose to use your powers for good or for evil, these students chose to use their skills for evil which for me was a huge disappointment. I even took a few days off from teaching because I knew I could not teach without letting the emotion engulf me. I always try to teach a positive class because I know that is what the students come for, so I would rather not teach than risk teaching a class that isn’t exciting and positive.
I tried to think back to how this could have been avoided and I am not sure if it could. I did my usual interview and they seemed like great kids, even their parents told me they were great. What I found out after the incident was that they were not great kids and that they had been involved in fights and trouble in school before and even while they were training at the Academy. Their parents never told me and even after this incident the students tried to come back to Evolve like nothing had happened. I used to get into fights when I was younger but most were one on one and I never sent anyone to the hospital for 3 days. I also never ganged up on one person and kicked and stomped them when they were on the ground. Most of the fights I got into when I was younger was because I was either protecting someone of fighting a bully. They got the whole fight on the school cameras and some of the teachers that watched the video started to cry. They all said it was one of the most violent videos they had witnessed.
I am not sure why the parents would let their kids keep coming to my Academy especially since they were arrested and expelled for life but I have to create a new barrier to protect myself from feeling disappointment. Not sure if it will work and I know that I will lose a lot of teenage students but it is what I have to do to protect Evolve. We started a new program in March for any student in Middle and High School-
Once enrolled, each Student will have certain criteria which will need to be met, in order to continue their training at Evolve Academy of Martial Arts, which include:
1. Attending a pre-enrollment interview with Master Mike.
2. Maintaining a GPA of at least a 2.0 or higher.
3. Having their home room teacher or guidance counselor sign quarterly notices, verifying that the participant has displayed above average conduct at school.
4. Meeting quarterly with either Master Mike or Ms. Amy, in order to discuss their progress in our program, as well as at school. A Parent or Guardian must be present at this meeting.
5. Attending a quarterly leadership workshop at Evolve Academy.
6. Participating in monthly community service activities.
I have already received a lot of positive feedback but I have also had a few potential students not enroll. It is a barrier that I have implemented and even though it doesn’t make great business sense I am not going to circumnavigate it. Even if that means there are no longer any teenagers in my program.
By the way here is a great website that figures out what villain you would be- http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain/
The questions really make you think and look into the negative part of your makeup
And the same could be said about the superheroes quiz.
http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/
I took both of them and I was a little disappointed, the villain was definitely cooler than the hero they said I would be. ( Villain – Venom : Superhero- Robin) So if I was given the choice of being a really awesome villain like Venom or a mediocre Superhero like Robin which path would I decide to take? Robin of course!
